A Purposeful Wanderer

(This post is for an assignment for one of my classes, however, it should still be awesome)

One of my favorite things I did on my trip to Spain was take the time to wander around. As a rule, I like to know where I am. Maybe this stems from my control issues, but this is just one of my many hypotheses. While I was in Spain, though, I pushed myself to go places I had never been. Much of this exploring I did alone. Wielding my "callejero" (street guide) and curious spirit, I would scamper off into Madrid and Toledo's unknown crevices. On one of my walk-abouts I got to see things I never would've expected to see. The following pictures are some "ejemplos" (examples).

 Plaza del Toros (Plaza of the Bulls, yes, it is an operational bull-fighting arena)

 A view of beautiful Toledo countryside (I think I climbed over 400 steps to see this, only to find the escalator afterwards. C'est la vie.)

 Mesquita de Cristo de la Luz [Mosque of Christ of the Light] (it took me 1 1/2 hours to find this 'lil guy, Note: the name of this mosque is an example of the changes and diversity of Spanish history)

 Puerta del Sol [Door of the Sun] (not the same as the one in Madrid, this is an entrance to the walled part of Toledo from the bottom of the hill)

I found this romantic little spot by the river outside of the walls of Toledo (Rio Tajo). I just followed a path down a hill.

My experiences in my wanderings were worth every moment, every twinge of fear of being lost, and every drop of rain or sweat that got me rather wet throughout my trips. I hope that this trip to Spain will help me to take more risks and have more adventures in the future.

(Requirements for example assignment: Use a minimum of 5 Spanish words and define, share 'field trip' experience, minimum of 10 sentences, have fun! Better for high school and college students)

Finding THE way by losing MY way

If you have ever travelled out of the country for more than a short amount of time, you will understand where I'm coming from in this post. We all know what it's like to feel out of place, but there are many levels of out-of-place-ness. There is your first day of high school where the only people you know are just as awkward as you are. There are times when we walk into a room and feel others willing us to not be there. Most of us even know what it feels like to be rejected, which is a very out-of-place feeling. Being in a foreign country is the none of those things, while also being the culmination of all of them.

The first big difficult difference is the language barrier. I speak Spanish decently well, but under the pressure of impressing a Spaniard or even communicating clearly my brain likes to vacate the premises. Their lovely, questioning eyes wait patiently for my responses, and in their gaze I sense a little pity and confusion. I'm sure they wonder, "Does she know what I said? Should I repeat myself?" The silence hangs in the air for a few seconds, screaming at me with all its might, "Come on, think faster! They're waiting! You're going to look stupid." The truth is, I'm sure people don't care that my Spanish is less than awesome, but I do. It's a beautiful language, and I've studied it more than I've studied English in many ways. In the past, I have always practiced and learned slang and pronunciation of Spanish used in Latin America. One dialect of Spanish is not necessarily more correct than the other. They are just different. Here in Spain the accent is thick, and they speak very fast. The combination of those two things make the language barrier even higher for me.

Another barrier is obviously the cultural one. If making a fool of myself every time I try to talk to someone wasn't enough, I also do weird stuff without knowing it. For example, the other day I went to VIPS, which is a restaurant geared towards "Ingleses." I go there after my class on Mondays and Wednesdays for a coffee. One morning I ordered a luscious-looking french toast with strawberries because I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. When I told the camarero what I wanted he said, "That one?" with a perplexed look. He brought it to me anyway. Well, when I was there yesterday guess what I saw on the dessert menu? The strawberry french toast. No wonder he looked at me like I had 3 eyes. I was ordering dessert at 11:30 AM with my coffee. I guess they don't do breakfast Denny's style in Spain. Also last week at VIPS an older woman came in and sat by herself at the table next to me. She kept mumbling in my direction. After a few minutes I actually started listening to her and responded. She said something about, "What a country. Those people..." And she made the gesture for stuck-up. I guess she was referring to me, but how was I supposed to know to respond to her mumbling? I've seen enough random people here mumbling to themselves, so I just thought I'd let her enjoy her conversation with herself. I felt terrible for being so rude, so I tried to be as nice as I could before I left.

Para colmo de males (on top of all that), things just work differently around here. I have to ask seemingly obvious questions like, "Excuse me where can I buy my train ticket?" while standing in the train station full of (supposedly) well-marked signs. There are countless things I take for granted when I'm in the U.S. just because I know the system and they speak my language. Not only do I look like a total tourist when I ask silly questions, but I can't promise I'll understand when they try to help me. It's amazing what you don't think about when you know how to do something! I really do love Spain, but it's hard to make myself go out and do everyday things because everyday things aren't everyday for me yet. It was a big deal the first time I went to the grocery store. I spent 5 minutes looking for the stairs to the lower level (which are not next to the u^^^p escalator, I might add). When I rode the Metro by myself for the first time, I was very nervous about knowing if I was on the correct train or not. Once I got off the bus at the wrong stop. I often don't know whether or not to make eye contact with street vendors. I usually don't, but that may just be the American thing to do, which is not what I want to do.

I was hoping in my time here I would learn to blend and adapt to Spanish culture, but God has used this to humble me. I've only been here three weeks. How can I expect to assimilate into a culture and new language in 21 days? This trip has been exciting and informative, but mostly it's been a reality check. Living abroad is hard, and if that's what God has called me to in the future I need to know it's hard before I jump in with both feet. There is a big difference between stories about Neverland and being there trying to fend off Captain Hook. Spain, England, South Africa, Switerland, Austria, Thailand, Saudi Arabia and so many more places all sound mystical and far-off when you're home. When you're there, however, you will finally realize how little they are like your home and how far-off they really are. You feel... out of place. Feeling out of place isn't necessarily always a negative. It just makes you feel like maybe you're not totally at home in your own skin. Insecurities may be amplified and fears may be exposed, but all in all those feelings can shape you into a better person. For my own life, I know feeling out of place has made me want to make sure no one ever feels that way with me. I want to be an anchor for someone who's bobbing about on the waves, wondering where they'll end up. It makes me want to return to my home and share it with someone who needs it. I don't necessarily mean someone without a place to live, but someone who doesn't have a place where they belong.

Ultimately I'm learning that belonging is something nebulous and only truly found in the Lord. I didn't think I would need him here in Spain. I didn't want to admit to myself that's what I was thinking, but it's true. I thought wrong. There is a deep and abiding sense of love and belonging that only God can give me, no matter how well I think I fit somewhere. Of all the things I have seen and learned, that I need Jesus as desperately today as I did the moment I was born is the most important. I am ceaselessly amazed at the ways in which Jesus draws me close to him. He has never failed me, and he never gives up on me. The last time when I was really going astray he used stories (The Chronicles of Narnia -- Aslan) to win me back. This time he's using a city, a country, and beautiful breaks in false "belongingness." He knew I needed to fly across the ocean and wander around and get lost a little bit so that I would remember him again. I am so thankful!

Discovering Sunshine - A Poem

Discovering Sunshine

Cover the sun, and what’ve you got?

A dreadfully dreary, cloudy, grey spot

But what if you could uncover the light?

Who wouldn’t seek after this kind of might?

Dispelling the greyness, day in and day out

You’d be quite a hero, I have no doubt

Or what if instead of making it show

You carried some sunshine wherever you go?

Light fills up your soul and comes out every pore

For you to be with them, folks would implore

They may not know from whence your light comes

But I doubt they much care if you’re sharing some

Everyone wants a sunshine-filled life

And often this world can only give strife

So look deep inside for your old, inner stream

There’s light made of living and beautiful dreams

In hardship your stream never dries out

Its flow will never be stemmed by your doubt

Your loneliest, scariest, emptiest times

Will just teach you why you must always shine

At the end of the day you must know it’s true

That the source of all light is from outside of you

Which is why in the sadness you never lose hope

‘Cause the source of you strength will throw you a rope

He’s always strong and believing in you

‘Cause he’s more than enough and he’s making you new!

(May 2013)
Dedicated to Mom and Dad

The Christmas That Stole the Grinch

 What is "interior space"? It is the field in which the soul runs free (or not so free). My perspective is that a person with small interior space has limited understanding of the importance of context, exploration, and cultural movement. A tiny interior space has the potential to create people whose souls are crowded and claustrophobic, resulting in a soul that is unhealthy. In this kind of person, new or strange events and experiences are sifted through a strict, rigid paradigm before they are processed. For example, if a person is inwardly petite they may meet another person who is completely different from them. Because that new person is sifted so fervently through a limited paradigm, all of them may be sifted away except for the differences between the two.
The Grinch is a perfect, however extreme, example of this. He sees a culture, group of people, and a custom as foolish and dreadful. Why is that, though? Because his perspectives of the Whos in Whoville are sifted through the paradigm of his selfishness. The Whos were happy, he was not. The Whos celebrated, he had nothing about which to celebrate. Their happy celebrations were creating a noisy raucous which annoyed him. From his mountain, the Grinch, possibly even unwittingly, only saw what he chose to see.

I say all this to explain a new theory I have. Travelling is one of the many things that has huge potential to expand one´s interior space! Spain is the third country I have visited in the past two or so years, and each time I have traveled I have acquired and maintained great affection for those countries. However, travelling has also grown my love and appreciation for the U.S. How do I have room to learn so much about lovely, distinct countries, and love their distinctness? The field for my soul is larger! From one part in my space I can look a short ways away to other provinces of context. My paradigm sifter has become much less of sifter now, allowing for more things to be processed as more whole and conjoined objects. By no means am I saying that this makes me better or smarter than anyone else. What I am saying is that it is easier to like and appreciate a wide variety of experiences when there is a better context for understanding them.
Back to my friend the Grinch, he lacked very much in abilities of contextualization. He never tried to understand and appreciate things about the Whos and their customs. He tried only to take action and change them and their culture. He thought removing tangible parts of their custom would cause it to cease to exist and have meaning. However, the Whos went ahead with their loving and their celebrating because Christmas and its meaning extended far deeper than the tangible things and permeated all parts of their lives. The Grinch, astonished by his failure to change the Whos´culture, was in turn changed by it.¨"And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day." Before, it was too small, but after it was almost too big to reside in his chest. The Grinch left his mountain cave bent on hating and changing people who were different than him, but those people taught him about himself and themselves in one stride. He returned to his mountain cave a different Grinch.

So what does this mean for us? Does it mean we are all grinches to begin with? No, of course not! It means we always have room to grow. There are always things we can learn! What better way to increase our capacity for being the kind of people who appreciate life than to explore this beautiful world? This world that has a "Baskin Robbins selection" of cultures and people! I know that, for me, having a growing interior space has allowed me to see things in a more gracious light. God has taught me to laugh at a man who was trying to pickpocket me, and just generally go with the flow. Life is never always roses, butterflies, and sunshine, but why should we not try to see the sunshine in everything? Running away from the world only teaches us to fear it, but if we engage the world God can use us to change it for the better. Likewise, God can use the world's many lessons to make us better.

Soy Latina...

My title is rather wishful thinking. It says, "I'm a Latina." I have been to two Carribean, Latino countries, and they are amazing! There are some things about United States culture that, in comparison, is very lame. Here in the U.S., the typical citizen is "too busy" to talk to their neighbors, and feel obliged to "stay out of other people's business." I know I am guilty of this, too! Latino culture could not be more different. Sitting in the Miami airport last December, I became acquainted with some lovely Cuban-American ladies. The conversation went remarkably well, considering my rudimentary Spanish skills, but we went on quite the tangent about how frustrating U.S. culture can be. "You will be on an elevator with someone, and they pretend you are not there... Neighbors don't seem to like each other here and they never talk to me!" They complained. "People just don't care about each other here..." At that time, having never been to Cuba yet, I had my experiences in the Dominican Republic to back up their claims as quite accurate. In the DR, barrios (neighborhoods) are tight-knit communities. This is especially true of the ones that are not as well off. If a man loses his job, his barrio family will do what they can to help provide for him and his family until a new job is found. The help may be as simple as sending bread, or they may let the family live with them. Cuba is certainly in the same vein. Both cultures have their issues, but I love them! Greeting with a kiss on the right cheek, customary in Cuba, is such an affectionate, welcoming way to say hello to someone. I kissed many people on the cheek whom I had never met before. For most "gringos" this would have been extremely off-putting, but I found it to be a marvelous custom. How better than to engage and connect with someone than to begin with kissing them? It's an intimate greeting, but it's not inappropriate at all to Cubans.

Perhaps it is the warmer climate, but Latino culture is altogether warmer than many others. Investing in and enjoying each other are huge parts of Hispanic culture, as well. Now that I am in Spain, I am finding it very different than Latin America. Not different in a bad way, but different. It is, first of all, very European. Before I came here, I had little concept of what that meant also. The pace here in Madrid is slower and much more "tranquilo" than big cities in the U.S., but it is nonetheless still a big city. Loads of people use the Metro daily, people walk everywhere they can, live in apartments (or "pisos"), and walk their dogs (mostly tiny, yappy ones) so they get some fresh air and exercise. I suppose what I am trying to say is that comparing Spain to Cuba or DR is comparing apples and oranges, but there are most certainly parallels. For goodness' sake, Spain is the "motherland" of almost the entire continent of South America. The amount that I love Spanish and its corresponding culture is vast! I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunities I have had to study, learn, experience, and move around in Spanish culture. I would like to give a shout out to my first Spanish teacher, Mary-Beth, who helped me take my first steps towards learning and loving a new language. God is so good. Who knew that almost 7 years after my first Spanish course, I would be studying to teach it to students who don't know what they're missing out on yet!

An Enchanting City

My whole life I've always said, believed, and reassured myself that I am not a city girl. My little tomboy soul would rebel at the slightest hint of "girly-ness," and for some odd reason there was a correlation in my mind between city life and being girly. Perhaps I was a self-righteous "suburbian," filled with a great affection for mountains. Who can understand the mind of a kid, but the One who carefully forms it? All that to say, I am developing a starkly contrasting perspective on what Urban life is. It's fascinating and I am learning to enjoy it very much!

Madrid, Spain is perhaps one of the most exciting and lovely places I have ever been. Apart from my nerdy obsession with the gorgeous Spanish language, the culture, architecture, food, tempo and way of life here are something I have never seen before. How can I even describe what is so fun about passing "Cervezarias" and "Cafeterias" on the way to the metro, or hearing the hustle and bustle below from 6 floors up, or knowing that when I walk outside I will be walking the streets of Spain? I love trying new things and stretching myself. It's scary sometimes, but God is teaching me that one of the many ways to become more like Christ and trust him better is to actually need to trust him. Perhaps what is so captivating about Spain is how different it is here than in the U.S. Different from the U.S. is a far cry from a negative thing in my book, however. Maybe I love Spain because of the food (which isn't unlikely). The likeliest explanation is that I am in Madrid with a marvelous, sweet family that I adore, and it's basically just awesome! I don't quite know it's "personality" yet, but I will be trying to post things I am learning as I carry on through my month here. Be checking for updates!

Me Voy Para Cuba, Amigos

In 15 days I will be driving in my little blue car (her name is Dory) on my way to Miami with my pal Austin. We fly into Cuba on a charter flight out of Miami on December 7th bright and early in the morning. We will be staying in Hotel Vedado in Havana. It is only a few blocks away from the coast of Havana, facing the beautiful Carribean. I am absolutely beyond excited! This is totally a once in a lifetime experience. Please be praying for us as we go, that everything will go smoothly and we will have a safe informative time. I am also hoping that we begin relationships with many wonderful Cuban citizens that will last for a long time afterwards!